Don't Let Go
by VesperBlackwell
Summary: "Love is like heaven but it can hurt like hell." A poignant love story born during Edward's rebellious adolescence in the Roaring Twenties. Losing the love of your life can shatter you, but Edward Cullen hides it well. But soon, he finds his past intertwined with Carlisle's as all the secrets threaten to destroy the Cullen family once and for all.
1. Chapter 1

PROLOGUE

2006

Eighty four years.

Sometimes I wonder how I have survived so long without her. Had I thought about it eighty years ago, I would have scoffed that it was an impossible task. No, I have not stopped loving her. I have simply learned to live without her. It's the hardest thing I've ever done in my entire existence. The rest of my family does not know any of this. I'm sure they would be furious with me for not telling them but honestly, I think it's hardly any of their business. My pain is my own to suffer. Sometimes, I close my eyes and pretend that she is with me. But it is never enough.

I wonder what things would have been like if I hadn't let her leave that day. If I had ignored her wishes and refused to leave her side. But I knew I would never have done so. When you love someone, their wishes are essential to your own happiness.

In the four years we spent together, she had turned me into a different person-a better one, if I do say so myself. She changed me, for the better. Even after all these years, my heart still belongs to her. A part of the reason I never really let go is that somewhere, at the back of my mind, I never lost hope that we would get our second chance.


	2. Chapter 2

CHAPTER 1:

"Edward!" Esme called from downstairs. "Do you want to go hunting with the rest of us?" she asked, speaking aloud though she knew I could read her mind.

I cringed at the thought of spending another few hours with the family. Some days, it was harder than the rest to be around three perfectly matched sets of lovers. Today was one of those days.

"No Esme. I'm not thirsty", I responded.

She seemed a little hesitant to leave me alone. _Are you sure you'll be fine? I could stay…._

I smiled at my adoptive mother's thoughts. "You go ahead and have fun. Don't worry; I won't burn the house down while you're gone."

_ Very funny, Edward. We'll be back soon._

I stepped downstairs briefly to say goodbye to the rest of them. Carlisle smiled in greeting. Rosalie and Emmett were too busy staring into each other's eyes to notice my appearance. Jasper was grinning in anticipation of the hunt and Alice was, well…..Alice.

_Are you _sure _you don't want to come? It's going to be a very fun afternoon… _She showed me visions of large mountain lions.

I just rolled my eyes at her.

_Fine. Have it your way then. See you in four hours._

I gave a half-hearted wave as they filed out of the door. They jumped over the river and sped into the forest.

I felt a little guilty for not going with them but I was glad for the lack of company. I rarely spent any time alone, something that was made a lot harder by my mind-reading abilities. It was a welcome relief to have my thoughts to myself, without any other voices echoing in my head.

But deep down, I knew the real reason why I didn't want to spend time with my family. It happened every year, around this time. My family found me to be uncharacteristically edgy and irritable. I couldn't concentrate on anything for more than a few minutes. My mind kept drifting.

I usually tried not to think of her but this one day was an exception. This one day, I allowed myself to drown in the past. Eight decades had not tarnished my memories of her. Her beautiful face, her silky dark hair, her lovely amber eyes and her sweet voice.

_ Anne..._

My mind instantly flashed to the first time I had met her. I had left my parents in favor of a diet of human blood. I had decided that I would play the role of a vigilant, only killing those who deserved to die. I had simply assumed I would be strong enough to prevent myself from harming innocent people.

I was wrong.

_Chicago, 1922_

_Despair. Shame. Bloodlust. _

_These were merely a smidgen of the emotions that were currently swirling inside me. I had come to Chicago with the intent of cleansing the city of its supply of criminals and other low-lives. But I had not anticipated the unwelcome desires that accompanied any human kill._

_I clearly remembered the first man I killed - Charles Evenson, abusive Esme's ex-husband. I remembered how exquisite his blood had tasted after years of only animal blood. The feeling of power had been euphoric. _

_The more humans I hunted down, the more I began to lose myself. Before I knew it, I had killed an innocent man. _

_The more I killed, the more I lost myself. The monster took control and I began murdering humans on a daily basis. My conscience became non-existent. _

_The humans were terrified by this string of murders that had gripped Chicago. The police did not know what to make of the mangled, bloodless bodies that were strewn around carelessly in trashcans and drains. They began to suspect that a new serial killer was on the loose. _

_They were right, in a way. I was a murderer. I had destroyed innocent lives in my never-ending desire for blood. I had become the very thing I had dreaded the most. _

_The most frightening part of it all was that I didn't care. _

_One evening, I had finished draining another guileless victim of his blood. I was preparing to dispose his body when I caught another scent._

_Vampire. _

_I instantly shifted into a hunting crouch, full of defensive thoughts. This was my territory and I had no desire to share it with any trespasser. _

_The vampire stepped out of the shadows. It was a female. All thoughts of attacking flew out of my head. I found myself completely mesmerized by her beauty. _

_And then I noticed her eyes. They were not red like mine. Her eyes were a lovely butterscotch color, the same color mine had once been. This vampire was an animal-feeder._

_What did she want? I automatically listened to hear her thoughts. But I couldn't hear a whisper. I listened harder. Nothing. I began to panic. This was unlike anything I had encountered before. _

_The lovely stranger cocked her head to one side. _

_"So you're the new serial killer I been hearing so much about." She spoke with a lilting British accent. "You're drawing way too much attention to yourself," she continued._

_I stiffened at her words. "I don't see how this is any of your business," I said, scowling._

_"Well, it will be if the Volturi decide to get involved. They will rip every vampire in the city to shreds first and ask questions later."_

_I knew she was right. My humanity broke through and despair flooded me. She sensed the change in my demeanor. "It's not too late to stop. The humans will forget in a year or two and the Volturi will probably let it go too."_

_"That's just the problem," I admitted, ashamed. "I can't stop. I've tried and tried but I just…can't."_

_She was quiet for a few seconds. "I'll help you," she said suddenly._

_I wasn't sure I'd heard her right._

_ "What?"_

_"I said I'll help you." She shrugged. "You have control issues, you say? Well, we'll rehabilitate you in no time at all."_

_I was speechless. Why would she want to help a total stranger? Granted, her own life would be in danger if the Volturi got involved. But any other vampire would have simply taken the easy route and tried to kill me._

_"You don't understand. I'm in more terrible shape than you realize," I finally said._

_She smirked, "However bad you think you are, I've dealt with worse. My name is Anne, by the way."_

_"I'm Edward," I said, taking her extended hand._

_"Lovely to meet you, Edward."_

I smiled at the memory. Anne had breezed into my life and saved me from myself.

I went to my room and pulled out a small wooden box from under my bed. This small box contained my most treasured possessions. They included a tarnished bronze medal that I had received as a music prize when I was in elementary school, a fountain pen that I had received for my fourteenth birthday, a small photo of my human mother. And the most precious of them-an elegant necklace with a silver chain. This necklace and my memories were all I had left of her now.

I sighed and my earlier grief returned. Everything around me reminded me of her. She was everywhere and at the same time, she was not. But right now, I wished she was here.

My knees gave away and I collapsed on the floor. I remained like that for a long time, lost in my memories of her.

The others would be getting back soon, I told myself. I had to pull myself together. They couldn't see me like this.

I managed to pull myself up. I carefully placed the necklace back in its box. I closed my eyes to clear my head. I would survive this, I told myself.

Now all I had to do was believe it.


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey guys! Sorry about this.**

**I just wanted to say this is my first ever fan fiction, hell my first ever story actually! Thank you for reading. **

**To all my readers, please don't hesitate to review. I'm completely open to criticism and I'd love to hear your opinion on the story so far :D**

**Lots of Love!**

**VesperBlackwell**


	4. Chapter 4

**Hey! So sorry for the delay. I'm an incredibly erratic writer. Please please review!**

The rest of the week was uneventful. But Carlisle's thoughts had been a bit chaotic lately and he seemed to be struggling over a decision. The others noticed his erratic behavior as well. They wondered what was wrong but I had no answers. Finally as the day came to an end, so did our curiosity and Esme's worry.

"I've been thinking about something for a while now and I've decided to go through with it," Carlisle said as we gathered around the dining table. I heard what he was thinking and stifled a gasp.

"Our time in this town is almost up; we will have to move soon," he continued.

This caught Rosalie's attention. Her face lost its usual bored expression and she asked, "What do you have in mind, Carlisle?"

Carlisle looked slightly uncertain. "A little town in England, about 60 kilometers from London. It's called St Ives. And it also happens to be my home town."

Carlisle's announcement was met with stunned silence which was broken by Esme's exclamation.

"Carlisle, that's a wonderful idea. We finally get to see the place where you were born."

Everyone nodded their agreement.

"What brought this on?" Jasper inquired, asking the question that was on everyone's mind. Carlisle had always been rather reserved about his human life.

"Well," he began hesitantly, "I never went back after I was turned into a vampire. I'm curious to see how it has changed. Also, this year is the 360th anniversary of my father's death. I thought I should pay him a visit."

I nodded. Esme squeezed his hand in support. Alice's face went blank as she was pulled into a vision.

"Yes, I can see that it's a good idea."

Emmett spoke up, "I guess it's settled the. We're going to St Ives. When do we leave?"

Carlisle smiled for the first time. "In three days if it's alright with you."

We began our preparations and packing. Esme searched the internet for houses in St Ives. It didn't take her long to find a suitable one. Jasper booked us all first class tickets to London. We always preferred first class because it allowed us minimal contact with humans. Also, our strange behavior would be written off as the eccentricities of rich people.

We landed in the Heathrow Airport at 8.00 pm. Jasper had timed our flight carefully so that we wouldn't have to step out in daylight. We checked into a hotel and immediately went shopping. On our list were new cars. We needed new cars as the only one we had brought along was my Vanquish. Within ten minutes, the bemused employee at the automobile retailer handed us the keys to a Maserati, a BMW, a Mercedes and a modest Mustang (to blend in, of course).

Carlisle and Esme went to order new furniture while the girls wanted to check out London's shopping scene. This left me alone with Jasper and Emmett. Emmett had a wicked grin on his face. He rubbed his hands together.

"Looks like it's just us. We should do something fun."

"Like what, Em? Go to a strip club?"

He thought about it. "Nah. Rose would kill me. How about a nightclub instead?"

I thought about the last time I'd been to a nightclub but quickly pushed the thought aside. Beside me, Jasper groaned.

"Please tell me you're kidding."

Naturally, the scene turned into an argument. Finally, seeing as how we couldn't agree on anything, we just decided to wait for the others to come back. They were quite surprised to see the three of us sitting sullenly in a roadside cafe with untouched cappuccinos in front of us. An hour later, we were on our way to St Ives.

St Ives was a typical little English town surrounded by woods. The people were friendly and the place was peaceful. But there was something about the town that I couldn't put my finger on. Something sinister. Almost like the innocent seeming town harbored a dangerous secret. The others didn't seem to find anything wrong, though.

Meanwhile, Carlisle's thoughts were a jumbled mess again. He seemed to have conflicted feelings about being here. On one hand, he felt a sense of belonging and homecoming. But I also got the sense that this town held some very bad memories for him. Finally, he gathered his thoughts and turned to us with a smile.

"Welcome to St Ives."


End file.
